Getting Hit On

Women usually don't like getting hit on. Do I hear an objection? Well then, maybe there is an exception. I guess there are women, and am not saying all, who may have low self-esteem, are already attached to someone for years on end, are old or pregnant that might just actually feel flattered when a guy hits on them. And who wouldn't be if it has been a long time since she last got a compliment? But I guess its safe to assume that generally women don't like it. It is just so annoying, unless of course the guy is really irresistible and a Brad Pitt look-a-like. But even so I , personally would prefer that he would not hit on me. It's just so cheesy and sleazy. I would rather that he shows real interest in me first as a person and not as a woman whom he can get into bed with. Talk about respect. Well, that's just me.

So what exactly is a guy's intention when hitting on a girl? I don't think that he would hit on a girl with the primary aim and hope that she falls in love with him, right? In fact, I would say that it's the last thing on his mind. He usually would just want to have fun and if luck is on his side, he would also very gladly want to end up in her pants as well without going through the usual drama and commitment thing. That's why it's so sleazy and annoying! But how can you tell that a guy is already hitting on you? And how thin is the line between an honest compliment and plain flattery?

In my search for answers, I tried googling " How to tell if a guy is hitting on you" and this is what I got: well, it depends on the guy. Some will compliment you often, even if you think that what he's complimenting doesn't deserve a compliment. If you're with your friends, and he only focuses on you, then that's a perfect sign.

Whoa! That's it? That is taking it so lightly, if I may say so! It does not even sound so serious and definitive enough to me to warrant or justify this bothersome feeling of unease and discomfort. And it is highly likely that it can still easily be mistaken as just PURE and simple admiration and thus can be totally ignored and dismissed as such.

I had my fair share of a few guys hitting on me and they usually were very aggressive than that. There was even this crazy old guy, a senior citizen, much to my dismay, who once stalked me for like a year or so. How repulsive is that? And there was this one seemingly nice guy I met several times at gatherings, that at first I refused to admit that he was already hitting on me, for both our sakes. He seemed like someone whose company I would have enjoyed if only he was not coming on to me. Although I did not like it one bit, I also did not want to confront him. Its' not an easy thing after all and besides NO guy will ever welcome a rejection no matter how nicely you deliver it. And I did not want to risk the possibility of making an enemy out of him. So I just let things be and was in denial for a short while. I even offered myself some excuse of not being sure yet if he was just being too friendly or has already crossed beyond the line, although deep down I already knew that he was actually more than being friendly especially by my own standards. And then he started calling me names of endearment that made me cringe every time. And even during a very casual conversation, he would not let the chance of openly saying that he misses me slip off. And he would also drop compliments like I look HOT in a dress that is not even considered as revealing nor sexy. And to top it all off, he can't seemed to keep his hands off me! He even boldly asked if he could kiss me!!! That was the last straw. It was too much already. Enough of this trashy game. I had to tell him to stop or he would think that it's okay for me when it actually is not! But how do I tell him off and still allow him to save his face?

Some people might say that I am giving this too much thought than necessary or I am taking this whole thing too seriously or I am making a big fuss out of it. But I truly believe that it is just fitting for me to speak up and let the guy know how I feel lest he thinks that I enjoy his flirtation because I was allowing myeslf to take it. And besides if I don't say something as early as possible then he will keep on doing it and will certainly even expect me to give in soon and it would already be too late to say no. And he will then think I have led him on all along only to turn him down in the end. He will think that I am such a huge tease. But who wants to be called a tease? Not me!

Along with this resolve to tell him off as soon as possible, was the need to examine myself and try to re-evaluate my actions. Did I do something to invite him to flirt with me? Did I give him the impression that I am interested in him in the same way that he was interested in me? Maybe somewhere along the way he misunderstood something that I said or did and took it as more than what it truly is. I think that it is also important to observe and look into one's self rather than put the blame and judgment entirely on the guy. I think that it is the mature way of dealing with this kind of thing and it would also help me to understand the whole situation and perhaps come up with corrective actions and certainly it would also help me decide on how to deal and confront the guy. I realized I may have sounded too eager and too friendly perhaps. Maybe that was it. Sadly some guys will just take advantage of that.

It was not difficult to find the opportunity to tell him off since he did not waste time and was always flirting with me at every chance he got. But the actual telling him was not easy though. But I had to do it just the same. There was no other way. I told him that I find his advances bothersome and he makes me uncomfortable and I hope that he will stop doing so and asked him to try to understand my being straightforward. But unfortunately, no matter how politely and nicely you say it, they will always take offense. It's an ego thing after all. And most guys have pretty huge egos! As expected he was wounded and hurt and did not take it so nicely. So it's the price that I have to pay. But does it matter anymore? I realized that if he can not respect how I feel and can not accept a rejection then I should not feel sorry that I lost his friendship after all.


Tips on how to say NO to the guy who is hitting on you :

1. Make it clear that you are not interested or are not finding the comments flattering. Use this only with a co-worker. It may cause problems if you tell a customer off.
2. Thank the giver for the compliment and walk away. This sends the signal that you are not interested. Again, use this only with co-workers.

Why is Happiness So Elusive?

Everyone of us is searching for true happiness. But seldom do we really find it except at some brief moments which often normally slip away too quickly and escape our grasp, leaving us with just a lingering memory to reminisce about. And it's not a coincidence that the more you tighten your grip around it, the more it will try to elude you.

Most of the time we are just left with nothing but regret and resentment due to a past that went awry and makes our "HERE" and "NOW" seemingly unbearable. Or a sheer hope pinned on some future event that we wish to happen, and makes us want to skip or abandon the present moment and fast forward our lives. Or worst is a feeling of fear and dread of the unknown in what is yet to come, which plagues us and thus prevents us to be truly happy NOW. An unknown that may or may not even happen. But we seldom are aware of the present moment and at peace with the NOW, which is the only thing about time that is real.

But why is true and lasting happiness so elusive? And what is the secret to experiencing it for more than fleeting moments?

Being a huge fan of Echart Tolle, I would like to share his 10 powerful insights. Mr. Tolle is the New York Time’s bestselling author of The Power of Now and A New Earth-Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. And now comes his newest book, Oneness with All Life.

These are the Ten Ways to A Happier YOU by Echart Tolle:

1. Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.
2. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.
3. See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.
4. Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.
5. Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.
6. People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.
7. The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
8. Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.
9. You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.
10. If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.

In a nutshell, just make peace with your present moment by accepting it as is. Don't resist it, rather embrace it, after all it is all you have got. That is why it's called a gift, a present because it's the most precious time. If you truly think about it you'll come to know that you can not undo the past nor can you control the future... but you can do something about the present. And lastly, don't look for happiness elsewhere. Everything that is inherently good and joyful is already something that you posses within, waiting to be illuminated by the light of your presence for it to shrine through. Click this link below.

From O, the Oprah Magazine Online